


Happier

by BokuAkaIsLife



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Future, Angst, Can't Move On, Depends on how you look at it, Ed Sheeran - Freeform, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I'm Sorry, M/M, Manga & Anime, One-Sided Relationship, Past Relationship(s), Rare Pairings, Romance, Sad, Sad Ending, Songfic, Swearing, Tears, i mean it's iwaizumi, what did you expect?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-22
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-16 17:30:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11257560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BokuAkaIsLife/pseuds/BokuAkaIsLife
Summary: It's been months since they broke up, but Iwaizumi can't seem to move on. So when he sees Oikawa with his new boyfriend, he recollects and realizes that no matter how much Iwaizumi still loves him, Oikawa is happy now, and that should be enough.





	Happier

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to happier by ed sheeran and I thought "there's not enough iwaoi angst" so here you go
> 
> and'm a slut for rare pairs

It had been months since they broke up. 

 

In the ideal world, Iwaizumi would have himself someone new, he'd be happy, he'd have forgotten about everything. He would get married, settle down and somehow rekindle a friendship with Oikawa, Oikawa and his partner, Oikawa and his new family. 

 

_Oikawa._

 

The name caused his chest to constrict painfully, the idea of the person, the flash of the memory of his smile behind Iwaizumi's eyes. In an ideal world he wouldn't see it, he wouldn't keep remembering, but this isn't an ideal world. This isn't a perfect fairy tale, this is real life and Iwaizumi wasn't so blessed. 

 

He wasn't blessed enough to be in the arms of someone who loved him as much as Oikawa did, he wasn't blessed enough to be smiling at the person he loved more than Oikawa. Because he couldn't, because he couldn't find it in himself to love someone more than he loved Oikawa, he couldn't find it in himself to admit that there could be a person out there who might just love him more than Tooru did. 

 

_Tooru._

 

He remembered when he used to whisper that name, every time if left his lips a soft fleeting smile would spread across said male's lips. And he would feel whole, he would feel happy, he wouldn't feel the way he did now. 

 

Alone. Cold. _Empty_. 

 

Iwaizumi felt empty, he felt empty so he went for walks. He would get up in the middle of the night, ignoring the aching in his chest at the  _empty_ side of his bed. He would wander to his closet, and avoid the  _empty_ drawers that used to be filled with pastel jumpers and ripped skinny jeans. 

 

He'd wander downstairs and past the  _empty_ living room where  _he_ used to sit, at all hours of the night watching those stupid documentaries of his. Iwaizumi would walk past the kitchen, ignoring the  _empty_ scent, void of the smell of the hot chocolate that  _he_ used to love so much. Iwaizumi would sit down by the door and slip on his shoes, the neat row _empty_ of those obnoxious light up trainers. 

 

Iwaizumi would get up, grab the keys from the bowl, the bowl that used to be  _empty_ because  _he_ would always carry the keys around with him. And when he would walk out and slam the door shut, he would paused and wait for that loud whining at the harsh bang - but the air was  _empty._

 

The house was  _empty._

 

Iwaizumi spent most of his time outside, he couldn't stand the quiet despite how much he told  _him_ that he loved it. Despite how much he would yell for  _him_ to shut up. 

 

Hajime would stop at their favourite coffee shop, the barista smiling brightly at him and suggesting his usual, and just as he opened his mouth to say yes, to give in to his ritual, he paused "no..." he trailed off "I'll have a Unicorn Frappuccino". 

 

Confused but happy to comply, the barista typed in the order and nodded, it was only a few minutes before his name was called out and he held the obnoxiously colourful drink in his hand. Sipping at it, he scrunched his nose in distaste at the overpowering sweetness. 

 

He remembered when the drink had first come out and Oikawa had gone insane over it, ordering it every single time since, he remembered how Tooru shoved it in his face, knocking the black coffee out of his hand, he remembered how he yelled, he remembered how Oikawa hid his flinch. 

 

Iwaizumi closed his eyes as he sat himself down at one of the tables outside. He used to hate sitting outside, he remembered how Oikawa would berate him for being 'gloomy', he remembered how Tooru forced him to sit in a spot where the light hit his eyes and gave him a headache, he remembered how he yelled, he remembered how Oikawa hid his flinch. 

 

He glared down at his Frappuccino until the condensation built and surrounded the base of the plastic cup in a small puddle, but even staring at the cup the way he did, glaring intensely at the mixing colours - his mind was miles away. 

 

He couldn't focus on the taste of the sweetness in his mouth turn to bitterness when he didn't fill his mouth with the sickly sweet drink once again, he couldn't hear the sound of the bustling crowds surrounding him as sunset came, he couldn't smell the mouth watering scents of the different foods seeping out of restaurant doors. All he could think of was Tooru. 

 

_Tooru. Tooru. Tooru. To-_

 

"Tooru!" 

 

Iwaizumi jumped at the name, suddenly snapping out his reminiscent daydream. His eyes flitted around the expanse of the street for the source of name, his eyes ran over the many faces. 

 

There was a laugh and he tensed, a laugh that made him freeze, that made his heart skip a beat in not only affection but in fear. It took only seconds to find the source of the angelic laugh. 

 

Oikawa stood at the side of the road, underneath a lamp post like this was some kind of fucking fairy tale. Iwaizumi clenched his jaw at the yellow tinted light that glowed on the tips of his ever buoyant hair, the way it brushed down the centre of his nose, reflecting off of the highlighter he always loved to wear. He could feel himself move to stand up, but what could he say? What would he do when he reached the male?

 

"I'm sorry I was such an asshole, I love you" ? How was he supposed to say something like that?

 

But as the chair hit the back of his knees, he froze, the source of the happy voice that called Oikawa's name, Hinata. Hinata Shouyou, stood in front of the male, smiling up at him like he was universe itself, with a stare that Oikawa deserved.

 

And when Oikawa looked down at Hinata, he smiled, and Iwaizumi felt his world stop turning. He smiled so wide it caused the edges of his eyes to crinkle, he smiled so wide that the tips of his gums were showing, he smiled in a way that Hajime had never seen before. At this, Hinata smiled back, his smile as big as bright as Iwaizumi could remember from their childhood.  

 

This only served to make Oikawa smile wider, as if that was even possible. Hajime could see the corners of Hinata's lips move as he spoke to Oikawa in hushed tones, Hinata trailed off with a bigger smile. Tooru's eyes, which had been narrowed in affection, fluttered to a close, mouth opening to release a joyful laugh that sent jolts shocking through Iwaizumi's system. 

 

He dropped back into his seat, mouth ajar in shock, and he fell back against the chair limply. He could feel his chest compress painfully tightly at the sight and sound of the male, he had never seen Oikawa so happy, he had never seen a smile so wide, he had never heard a laugh so genuine. 

 

Tooru shook his head, and Iwaizumi could almost smell his cologne, or rather - perfume, Oikawa had always hated the generic musky scent that all male colognes tended to have, so he drifted towards female products, he loved vanilla perfume. 

 

Iwaizumi had yelled at him for that too. 

 

He could remember the look in Oikawa's eyes when Iwaizumi had had a bad day and took his stress out on the brunette. The things he had said, picking and pulling apart all the parts about Oikawa that he had been most insecure about. He remembered the things he had said about his stupid perfume, about his stupid pastel jumpers, his stupid alien printed pyjamas, his stupid documentaries, his stupid sugary coffee, his stupid makeup. 

 

He remembered the tears that built in the male's eyes, he remembered the way that trembling smile built on his face as he backed towards the door "that hurts Iwaizumi" he whispered as the tears slipped down his cheeks. Iwaizumi still remembered the sting at the use of his name, not the playful "Iwa-chan", not the loving "Hajime" but "Iwaizumi", that's not the way he wanted to ever hear his name on Oikawa's lips. 

 

Hajime could remember sitting down on his couch in the dark, the only light coming from his phone, the battery was quickly dying. He stared at the phone, waiting for a message, a call, anything. He waited for Oikawa to walk through the door, a bag full of Iwaizumi's favourite food and an apology on his tongue, an apology that wasn't his to say. 

 

But what he didn't remember was that smile, it wasn't anywhere in his mind, not when they were toddlers, not when they were in middle school, not in high school, not in college, not in any time that they knew each other. But with him, with this boy, with this boy that Iwaizumi barely knew, he smiled and laughed in a way that showed he was happy, happy in a way that Hajime could never make him. 

 

Oikawa took his hand and entwined their fingers, walking closer to Hinata than they had ever walked together. And as they walked past, Iwaizumi sank lower in his seat, pulling his hood over his head and turning his head away. 

 

He could hear them laugh as they walked right by him, he could practically feel the happiness that radiated off of Oikawa. 

 

He was happier, happier than Iwaizumi could ever make him.  

 

Iwaizumi stood up abruptly, the seat falling backwards and slamming on the ground with a loud bang as it came into contact with the backs of his knees. The table falling forward, and his sugary drink falling to the floor, spilling pink and blue fluid onto the ground. 

 

He ignored the gasps and whispers of the people around him, pulling his hood further over his face, he marched his way towards the couple, and as they slowly began to turn to face him, he brushed passed with a low "sorry" under his breath.

 

And as he raced down the street, he almost missed the quiet whisper of disbelief and pain "Iwa-Chan?", he paused in his step, head raising slowly. "Tooru?" Hinata's high pitched and concerned whisper caught his ears, he balled his hands at his sides and stuffed them in his pocket, lowering his head once again. He dropped his voice a few octaves, hoping it wouldn't be recognizable "sorry, you got the wrong person" he grunted. 

 

Before the first syllable could fall from the lips he loved so much, he took off sprinting, racing down the road. He clenched his jaw tightly, cursing himself at the burning sensation building behind his nose, the impossibly painful constricting in his throat and the tickling in the inner corner of his eyes. He sprinted past the house he found himself despising, only to a house not too far away. 

 

He slammed his fists on the door, bouncing impatiently on the balls of his feet as he felt his breath quicken. His hands raised to pound on the door once more when it swung open to reveal the aggravated face he recalled so well from high school. Hanamaki paused in surprise, annoyance dropping from his features as he spotted the state his captain was in. 

 

"I didn't know where else to go" Iwaizumi breathed out, voice quaking. 

 

Without asking for an explanation, he stepped aside to let the male in. Making his way inside, Hajime toed off his shoes and stepped inside, he remembered seeing these halls through blurry eyes many times over these past months. Both from tears and from a drunken haze, his thoughts on Oikawa were like a drug, and whenever he would relapse, he found himself here. 

 

 "Hiro, who was a-" Matsukawa wandered out of their shared bedroom, wearing nothing but a pair of boxer briefs that hung low on his hips, hair tussled and a flurry of red marks running down his neck and torso. Iwaizumi almost wanted to apologize for interrupting. 

 

He closed his lips and let out a light sigh upon seeing Iwaizumi "I'll grab a beer from the fridge" was all he said as he disappeared into the kitchen. Hajime plopped himself down on the couch, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees, his head dropping into his hands and his fingers gripped painfully tightly at his hair.

 

Hanamaki sat himself down at Iwaizumi's side "what happened this time?", Hajime took a deep breath and leaned back in the seat, closing his eyes as he laid his head back against the cushioned sofa. He heard the faint clinking sound as Matsukawa set down the bottle of beer on the glass table in front of him. His side of the couch lifted and then lowered when the male sat himself down.

 

"I saw Oikawa today" he mumbled under his breath, he could practically feel the two tense at his sides "he has a boyfriend". Takahiro was hesitant, but reached out to place a hand on his shoulder "he asked us not to tell you" he mumbled quietly, Iwaizumi shook his head and ran his hands over his face "I didn't want to know".

 

"Maybe it's best that you do know" Matsukawa shrugged, earning a sharp "Issei!" through clenched teeth from his boyfriend. Said male sighed louder than before and leaned forward "he's happy, Hajime, and you could be too. This has gone on for far too long, you can't keep punishing yourself like this, it's not good for you. Neither of you deserve this, you can find someone who can make you happy, happier even".

 

"I can't! I just-- I can't" he rose to his feet suddenly when he felt the rush of new tears swarm at his tear ducts, he pressed the balls of his hands into his eyes in hopes of stopping the tears. Stepping around the coffee table, he found himself pacing back and forth.

 

"I was happier with him" he whispered, voice cracking pitifully. Matsukawa and Hanamaki shared a pained and sympathetic glance as upper teeth sunk into lower lips "don't you want to try and fix things then?" Hiro mumbled warily.

 

Iwaizumi let out a mix between an amused scoff and a quiet sob, shaking his head as he continued to rub at his eyes with the balls of his hands roughly "he was miserable, I hurt him like no one else could, why would he ever want to be with me again?"

 

"Because of the way you've changed, you know you hurt him, you recognize your mistakes so you can change them" Issei reasoned.

 

Hajime clenched his jaw and dropped his hands, stretching them out at his sides for emphasis "I can't even trust myself to do that! How can I expect him to trust me?". Without the blockage of his hands on his eyes, tears flowed freely down his cheeks. With the inner corners of his eyebrows pinched together and push upwards, his jaw clenched and teeth displayed in a pained grimace, his eyelashes fluttered with the weight of the water, Iwaizumi was the picture of heart break.

 

"Then what do you want Hajime? How do you feel?" 

 

He let out a choked sob as his arms fell limply at his sides, the corners of his lips drifted upwards into a painfully sad smile, and his shoulders rose and dropped so lazily that it could be assumed the male had just given up. 

 

"I love him" 

 


End file.
